Friendship Will Previal
by elfmaiden4legs
Summary: Set during the Prisoner of Azkaban film and Lupin's werewolf transformation scene. Mainly focusing on his thoughts and emotions during the transformation and afterwards to be focused on during subsequent chapters. Please red and REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

**This is a fiction based on the Harry Potter 'Prisoner of Azkaban' film. Set during the werewolf transformation scene, and from Lupin's point of view. Focusing mainly on his thoughts and emotions during the transformation and afterwards (which will be focused on in subsequent chapters). The chapters are meant to be short. More to follow, but in the meantime please REVIEW!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!**

"Sirius!" Remus called out as the darkness enveloped him, the pain unbearable as the transformation altered every physical structure of his human form. But to his despair only a malevolent growl escaped from deep at the back of his throat as the wolf, which had remained dormant within him for so long, quickly regained it's control over his mind with a painful and powerful vengeance. The sight of the full moon rising up from behind the milky grey clouds in front of him had struck his heart with a horror that he had not felt in a long time. For not only had the wolfsbane potion allowed him to keep his own mind during each full moon but it had also helped to reduce the pain of the transformations themselves, and Remus had almost forgotten just how excruciating that could be.

He felt the crack of bone and the tearing of his flesh as he changed from Remus J. Lupin the man into the four-legged wolf. The wolf which would have him kill his best friend without so much as a second thought, the wolf which would then (as though murder wasn't enough) force him to forget his sins leaving him to feel alone and empty. The wolf which had been the object of his nightmares, haunting his most terrifying fears since he was a very small boy… since the evening he had received that fateful bite, and he cursed himself for being so foolish.

"Remember the man you truly are Remus. This heart is where you live, this heart here." Remus felt Sirius against him as the man fought to suppress the animal within his friend… and for a moment Remus did remember. He remembered the fear of the werewolf advancing on his young and terrified soul all those years ago. The initial pain of the bite as hot blood flowed down his pale arm, spilling from the deep wound at an alarming rate, making him feel dizzy and sick as it dripped from his fingers and accumulated in a sticky red pool at his feet… but above all he remembered his responsibilities. His responsibility towards Harry as James' friend and therefore one of Harry's sworn protectors, and to Ron and Hermione as their teacher, he had sworn to keep them safe… and with that came that single desperate thought that he could not shake, the thought that fed the werewolf with the wretchedness it promoted, he had filed them.

"This flesh is only flesh!"

Of only Sirius realised the true meaning of his words as he said them then he may have chosen them more carefully… if his flesh was nothing but flesh than that's all he was now Remus thought, empty, lost, for in that moment he thought that he must have surrendered his soul a long while ago.

But that's _not_ what Sirius had meant…

And then the darkness took him…


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**Chapter 2 up! Please REVIEW! They mean a lot to me and I really enjoy reading them. Hope you enjoy!**

As Remus regained consciousness his head began to spin violently, making him feel increasingly nauseous, as it always did when his familiar mind was being restored to him. His transformations were never easy. But coming round from one was equally painful as he felt the numerous, deep scratches to his face and hands. Sweat dripping uncomfortably, almost feverishly from his pale forehead into the raw wounds he had acquired during the night, making them throb and sting.

Every bone in his body ached, every muscle and tendon throbbed, making him feel as though he may be recovering from a bad bout of flu. Although the reality he knew was far far worse… and it terrified him.

He could hear distant voices calling his name, familiar and comforting. He attempted to turn over onto his side, feeling the stiffness of his back and neck with a sharp tug at his spine as he did so, and decided to remain where he lay, shivering and exposed… exhausted. The familiar panic that he had learnt to associate with his 'condition' and the transformation gripped him like a vice, crushing his fight in a moment.

What if he had bitten someone during the evening? He could never recall, and there would be no way of him ever knowing. His heart ceased to beat with worry, and at that moment he was grateful for his own pain, desired its intensity, for the wolf within him to have inflicted its misery… its revenge on his own, now fail body.

Remus felt the gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Sirius looking reassuringly down at him. Shame for his own nakedness hardly beginning to register, for his friend had seen him in this condition many times before. It was hardly as though there was any dignity to be preserved in his current state anyway… he had given up on all that long ago.

So he forced a weak, but what he hoped to be reassuring smile.

All those times as a young student he had awoken to see James and Sirius sitting patiently by his side came flooding back to him now. He had initially struggled to recall anything which had happened over the course of the evening once the transformation had taken him. But as time wore on and the wolf became accustomed to having the animagus forms of his three best friends close by, he had found that he had managed to retain at least some of his own mind. Now however he felt a vulnerability he hadn't felt the like of since he was a child.

Neither said a word. Sirius having long understood Remus' need for quiet calm whilst initially coming round, they had long ago developed their own silent form of communication. The only sound, penetrating the still and silent air like a raucous eagle cry, travelled on the wind from somewhere close, and in a moment Remus had turned to see Buckbeak kicking up the leaves and dry debris in a clearing nearby.

He frowned, wondering how much time had really passed, and what exactly his troubled friend had up his sleeve when the last time he heard news of the Hippogriffe he had been destined for the wrong end of the hangman's noose.

"They've found me Remus." Sirius explained in response to his friend's enquiring stare. "Harry and Hermione saved me, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to go soon. It won't be long before they realise that I'm gone, and I can't still be around here when they do. Dumbledore has risked so much for me already."

With a ferocity that made him feel sick to his stomach Remus' heart leapt at the realisation of what Sirius had just said, and he tried to nod his understanding. As he did so however his head began to spin violently again. His skin, still cold and clammy paled even further.

"So they're alright?" He asked, once he had given himself time to recover. "Harry and Hermione?"

"And Ron." Sirius nodded. "They're all fine."

Too weak now to say anything he simply reached out for his friend's hand, hoping that the gesture alone could communicate successfully all that he wanted to say.

"I'm afraid that I had to interfere though." Sirius explained anxiously as he took it. "I'm sorry Remus, but I couldn't let you hurt the children. I knew that I was never in any real danger from you once I resumed my animagus form."

Lupin gave Sirius a look which communicated something to the effect, 'you're forgiven'.

"Twelve years in Azkaban," He rasped weakly, using his last ounce of strength to form his response, "for a crime you didn't commit. Twelve years of hating you for what Pettigrew did to James and Lily. So many years wasted. I'm sorry Sirius."

To his surprise he thought that he could just make out a smile beginning to break through the worn features of the other man's face. But darkness was beginning to encroach upon the edges of his vision, so he couldn't be sure.

More familiar voices penetrated the depths of his growing despair.

"Just remember this isn't goodbye Remus." Sirius spoke, and there was just enough energy left within him to witness his friend whip his own wand from his pocket and send up a flare. "Not this time."

And in that moment Remus realised that the time Sirius spent with him was limited.

The search party weren't far off now. Remus could hear them drawing nearer, eyes half closed, his ear to the ground with exhaustion. Dark clouds began to clog his mind. But in that moment his last thought was for his friend, as everything began to pale and fade… and then he knew no more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Heya all, as you can see the new chapters up! This is proabably going to be the longest chapter this story is likely to see so if your enjoying what I'm writing make the most of it. I've already started writing the next, amongst other things aswel, so will try and update soon! In the mean time please don't forget to REVIEW!**

The next time Remus awoke Sirius had gone… at least he sensed that his friend was no longer nearby. He was lying on a soft mattress, a padded duvet gently covering him up to his chest and the silky sheets draped carefully beneath as though magically charmed so as not to put too much pressure upon his raw skin. The pyjamas he found himself wearing were equally light against the open wounds bloodying the bandages swathed around his arms and legs and as he opened his eyes a glint of something gold and far away caught his attention. As his vision cleared however he realised this to be the reflection of Dumbledore's half-moo spectacles radiantly sparkling in the light of the elegantly decorated stain glass windows.

The headmaster had been sitting in a strangely out of place, Victorian style armchair nearby and rose as Lupin had stirred uncomfortably, concern and gentle intrigue carved into every precise line and fine wrinkle of the old man's face.

With a sudden burst of understanding Remus realised where he must be in an instant, and why he could feel relatively little pain… back up at the castle now, in the hospital wing, and under the care of Madame Pomfrey. After so many years of perfecting her post-transformative treatments it came as little surprise to Remus that he was actually feeling quite lucid and currently pain free, although past experience had taught him that this wouldn't last long, and that he'd be grateful for all the comfort and hospitality Hogwarts could offer him during the encroaching hours ahead.

"How are you feeling?" There was a twinkle in Dumbledore's ancient eyes as he approached, and for a moment Remus felt thirteen years old and equally vulnerable again, his eyes darting around wildly as though looking for any sign that his three friends had been to see him during the early morning's duration, only this time his soul thought lay with the children and the fate of his last surviving best friend, Sirius.

He remembered his friend's lasting words to him and relaxed in a moment…

"_Harry and Hermione saved me… __and Ron. They're all fine."_

Harry was alright, and so were Ron and Hermione, but what had befallen Black? Surely Dumbledore would not have appeared so jubilant had the Dementors been successful in performing the kiss upon an innocent man?

"What happened to Sirius Albus? Where is he?" Remus enquired urgently, unable to contain his anguish any longer.

To his relief Dumbledore smiled. "As far away from here and the Ministry as he can possibly get if he's got any sense." The wise old wizard responded with an air of confidence to his tone which put to rest all of Remus' past concerns immediately as he felt himself relaxing back into the warm comfort of the bed. "…and we both know he as plenty, so there shouldn't be too much to concern ourselves with there. But you still haven't answered my question Remus." He gazed with raised eyebrows at the young professor before him.

"I don't see that I'm in any position to complain professor, after my foolishness and rash action last night. I should never have gone out into the grounds without having taken the Wolfsbane potion first… I put everybody's lives at risk, including my own, and especially the lives of the children." He finally concluded gravely.

"You're too hard on yourself Remus." Dumbedore smiled somewhat regretfully at him. "You always have been. If you hadn't have interfered when you did Harry ay very well have attempted to kill Sirius, Pettigrew would never have revealed himself, and we may never have known the truth."

"Harry would never have been able to kill Black." Remus remarked confidently at this. "He has his father's loyalties and bravery but there is more of Lily within him than he realises… and neither of the Potter's were ever killers."

"A wounded soul is not one to be reckoned with." Dumbledore sighed. "Oh which reminds me, Madame Pomfrey asked me to administer you this when you finally woke up."

He produced a vial of crystal pink potion from the bedside table and poured it into a glass sprinkled with fine, chalky powder before handing it to Remus. "I think its best if you down it in one." He winked knowingly.

Remus winced as the heeded to the headmaster's advice. "Pitty she's still failed to perfect the taste after all these years." He remarked once the slight burning which the potion produced in his throat subsided.

"Dear Poppy," Dumbledore chuckled. "So brilliant at potions, yet never that good in the kitchen."

Remus smiled.

"That should help you with any discomfort or stiffness you may experience later anyway." Dumbledore said, indicating the now empty glass still clutched loosely within Remus' hands, more pale than usual. "As you already know it will probably be another couple of days before you will begin to feel quite yourself again… But I'm afraid there's some much graver news which I feel you should be made aware of sooner rather than later."

Remus' heart sank. Part of him had been dreading this, and yet the wolf now laying dormant within him had almost seemed t suspect it. It was a fear which had burdened him for over thirty years… was Dumbledore now going to tell him that he had bitten somebody outside of the immediate party during his night time meandering the evening before?

"I'm afraid the students know Remus." Dumbledore continued more cautiously now as though trying to spear him the velocity of some heavy blow. He had been leading up to this gently, Remus could tell… and although he was grateful to Dumbeldore for trying to spare him the knock, he was used to it. Having bore the evil stigma of his 'condition' all his life the position he had been offered as a teacher at Hogwarts had been one of only a few significantly paid jobs he had been able to take since laving school, and the only one where his colleagues had all known of the true nature of his 'condition' beforehand. He had learnt that there were more important things in the world than where his next pay cheque was coming from, such as health, and even if he didn't have his own he had at least done his best to ensure that he didn't compromise that of others. Even so he now suddenly felt as though his already uncertain future had been thrown into question all over again as Dumbledore continued to explain.

"Snape told the Slytherins at breakfast this morning. I think the nature of Sirius' escape last night must have hit him very hard… he seemed to think that you must have had something to do with it. Anyway I've dispelled any doubts with the Ministry regarding the situation, and I'm sure that if I put in a good word for you they would be happy to have you reappointed as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher next year."

Remus couldn't respond however. He felt as though his heart had just shattered into a thousand hollow fragments as this fresh bombshell hit him slowly like a tone of bricks. For the first year since he had left Hogwarts as a somewhat more than average teenager he had felt completely normal and free. The food he had received had been nutritious and plentiful, gradually building his strength when only a year before he had frequently found himself too weak to completely recuperate from one transformation to the next. The friendship had at times almost proved too much for him, especially at the beginning, having been shunned all his life, and the potions he had been granted access to, especially the Wolfsbane had been nothing short of indispensable at the most difficult time of the month. But a life without had been he life and manner which Remus had grown accustomed to, and so it would not prove too much of a shock when he had to go back to it. He sighed, realising what his life must now have come to. He had always been a danger to himself, but last night he had also proved himself to still be a very real danger to others. Even though he had always known it was so, he had managed to block the thought from his mind for most of his school life, and again last night… but that must never happen again, and in that moment a terrible and heart wrenching decision had been made for him by his own prickling conscience, as he could see no way out now for anyone but this. He had always accepted that if it came down to it he must do what now had to be done and move on as best he could… but the right decision was not always the easiest to make.

"Thank You headmaster." He smiled gravely. "But I had rather feared that somebody would let slip the true nature of my 'condition' sooner or later, in fact I am surprise that it had taken this long. Hogwarts is hoe to very many bright, young students, Miss Granger in fact has known about me for months and not said anything… although I fear she has been unusually accepting of me, I know not everybody would be so open minded to my condition, and after last night I can see their point. Tomorrow the owls will start arriving, and parents will not want, well, somebody like me, teaching their children."

"I had rather feared you would say that." Dumbledore sighed. "Of course I will respect any decision that you make, but I beg of you to not be too rash when making it. We are all of a very closed minded disposition, but our heads are equally as easily turned as they are made… I hope you get my drift he smiled.

Remus returned the gesture half-heartedly. "You have done so much for me over the past year already." He responded heavily, "I will not have you inconvenienced at my expense any longer." He yawned as the sleeping draught in the potion Dumbledore had recently given him began to tale effect. "I will hand in my resignation as soon as I feel up to it." He declared.

Dumbledore patted him reassuringly on the shoulder. "I must leave you to rest." He announced. "Madame Pomfrey would take me for both my ears if she realised that I had kept you talking for so long… just think about what I've said, don't go making any rash decisions."

Remus closed his eyes, "I've made my decision." He muttered as he heard the headmaster turn and walk away, only reopening them again when he heard the heavy wood of the wing door slam shut behind him.

He starred directly at the magnificent castle ceiling, unmoving, for a very long time. His mind swimming with a thousand insignificant thoughts and raw, unspoken, insecure feelings.

Before, one by one each popped like a bubble, leaving him feeling empty and alone again as the welcome indifference of sleep took him to a lace where ignorance kept him sane and he could feel the aftermath of the previous evening no more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!**

A few hours later Remus stood in his office, packing cases, some three quarters full, others still predominantly empty, taking up a large majority of the small space which he now occupied. His heart was heavy, it had taken all his powers of persuasion to convince Madame Pomfrey to allow him to discharge himself from the hospital wing a day or two earlier than she had initially liked, but he had a very hard and daunting activity ahead of him, and he wanted now to get what he knew had to be done over with as soon as possible, with as little fuss or pressure. Only one packing case contained the few meagre possessions which he felt need of enough to take with him, the battered old suitcase which had given Harry, Ron and Hermione their first introduction to the shabby young professor whom they had initially shared a carriage with upon the Hogwarts Express almost a yea ago. Harry had come on so far in only the last few months, if there was one thing Remus felt he could be proud of it was of how much James' son had achieved in such a short space of time… so much like his farther in many ways, yet it was not only his mother's eyes… Lily's eyes, which he donned.

He remembered with feeling the loneliness which had preceded his last return to Hogwarts. He had been looking forward to catching his first glimpse of the Potter's infamous son, the incredible young wizard who he had heard so much about, and yet not seen in almost thirteen years. The boy who should have grown up with his parents, amongst great wizards and witches, and close friends… and so it had been… until that fateful night.

But the transformation which had taken him a few days before he was due to travel had been a particularly savage one, prompting Dumbledore's decision to permit him to travel upon the Hogwarts Express, to allow him time to catch up on rest and recuperate before being thrown into the rigorous role of teaching.

The rest of the cases however contained a diverse arrangement of objects and equipment which Remus had acquired for use in his classes over the course of the past year, and which, having no longer need of them himself, he would leave for the next Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher to make use of.

He looked around reflectively and the small and currently untidy space, grimacing with discomfort as he bent to pick up the contents of his thready case, which looked almost as old as Dumbledore, as they slipped precariously to the floor. The potion that the headmaster had offered him earlier had done little to help with his pain or nagging discomfort, and Remus still very much doubted that, with exception to the Wolfsbane, as much had been done to perfect the potions related specifically to his condition over the recent few years as had been claimed. He already knew of the Ministry's hostile attitude towards werewolves, having been on the receiving end in part himself. The persecution of his kind which went un-prosecuted by no means escaped his attention… he was only lucky he had had Dumbledore on side over the course of the last twelve months, first to secure him the job at Hogwarts and then to ensure that every precaution was put into place, and Remus' nothing short of complex needs met once he was there. But now, plucking his wand from his jacket pocket, a quick flick of the wrist levered the fallen objects back into place. Even this apparently insignificant movement prompted a slight discomfort however, and he looked over reluctantly towards his walking stick in the corner of the room.

He could still hear Madame Pomfrey's shrill voice in his ear as she, along with Professor McGonnagal, had assisted him from his bed, ordering his to keep warm, as Dumbledore stood in the domineering oak doorframe waiting to assist Remus the rest of the way downstairs. Chuckling idly to himself as he watched the proceedings good humidly, although as he had turned to wink reassuringly in Remus' direction he had noticed that the old spark seemed to have faded from the headmaster's ancient eye.

It indeed had been a relief to Remus however, if not a shock to everybody else but Severus, that Dumbledore had been prepared o accept his resignation quietly, with no feelings of obligation, or pressure for him to stay. The students would find out soon enough… those at least who were members of houses other than Slytherine, and Remus wanted to be out of Hogwarts and away before too many of them ha the chance to approach him. Of course he could not leave without saying goodbye to Harry, he at least deserved an explanation, and even the sight of Ron and Hermione stood before him in what was soon to become his 'old' office would have proven a more welcome sight than most. But Harry had discovered and lost a new family in Sirius the previous night, a family which Remus had long ago thought he too had lost, but which Harry had never known he had. For a few short hours Remus knew that he had felt completely free of the Dursley's, he had been going to live with Sirius Black, his godfather… ironically the man they had both once blamed for James' and Lily's death.

With this thought in mind he made to manoeuvre himself around the other side of his desk, using the now clear worktop to support himself in preference to the still disregarded walking stick… his need for which would come soon enough. Then, drawing the familiar sheath of stained and discoloured parchment from his draw he unfolded it, quoting the required charm clearly and with some feeling.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The maps careful recreation of Hogwarts and the surrounding grounds faded into existence, tiny feet pacing remarkably well represented classrooms, corridors, offices, staircases, dormitories and various other rooms of a miscellaneous nature which the map showed up so clearly. The whole castle felt abuzz with frantic activity today. Remus watched as Dumbledore paced the dimensions of his office restlessly, pausing only for a moment before resuming his measured step. He noticed the three small figures of Harry, Ron and Hermione gently strolling side by side along the length of the rippling lake surrounding the castle… but could no longer see any sign of Pettigrew as he surveyed the grounds for any sign of the rat, a man whom he now felt disgusted to recall he had once counted amongst one of his closest friends. He was probably long gone now however, Remus presumed. Well on his way back to Voldemort, if he hadn't made it back to the side of his dark master already… and he sighed. He pitted Sirius, how the man must have suffered, locked away in Azkaban, that terrible place, for twelve years for a crime that he hadn't committed and another which had never even taken place… still, even now he was paying the price. But at least Remus, and Harry too, now knew the truth.

Leaving the map upon his desk he preceded to tidy away the final few piles of paper work which remained for him to sort through. Some of which was junk, old timetables which had somehow found their way into his possession, a step by step guide on how to charm a Hinkypunk, and even an old wrapper of Honeydukes strawberry flavoured chocolate, which he remembered he'd put aside during one of Harry's anti-dementor classes just to be on the safe side, now mysteriously devoid of its contents. The rest, a mixed array of pupil reports, mock examination sheets and progress charts, he put aside of the next Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher to make reference to. It was indeed in this manner, amongst packing various possessions up into cases and throwing others away, that Remus continued to occupy himself for the following quarter of an hour, referring back to the Maurder's Map every now and again, to find out what was going on elsewhere.

Dumbledore had stopped pacing the length of his office now, Remus noticed, and was currently in the company of Snape in the Slytherine common room, completely devoid of students who were busy taking advantage of the warm summers day outside. The rest of the teachers appeared to have congregated in the staff room, bar those who seemed to prefer to bask in their own company in the relaxed seclusion of their own offices, and Ron and Hermione now sat under the shade of a magnificent arched oak tree. Harry however was no longer with them, and just as Remus was beginning to wonder where he could have got to, seeing no obvious sign of him on the map, he caught sight of his miniature footmark in the entrance hall, following the figure as he made his way frantically up the stairs, turning into the corridor that the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom was located, and pressing on in the direction of Remus' office. There was obviously no doubt now that Harry had heard of the Professors return from his night time meanderings and appeared most urgent to speak to him, for his step was purposeful, although measured, and it was not entirely clear whether he had indeed heard news of Remus' resignation or not. Then, tearing up and old instruction manual on how to recognise hidden incantations and encharments Remus prepared himself for the conversation which was to come, as the door to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom creaked open and slammed behind Harry… and, just before the young wizard with jet black hair just like his dad, and the emerald green eyes of his mom, had chance to burst in on Remus' office, disrupting his train of thought, although not at all unwelcome it may be, now feeling somewhat more contented if not still slightly overwhelmed, he resumed packing once again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Well here it is guys and gals! Appologies for it being so late, but as you can see the final chapteris finally up! I appologise if this doesn't quite come up to par with the rest of the story! I have had great difficulty in writing this as final chapters aways prove a challenge to me at the best of times, but the strength of the ideas which I had for this did not match the promonents of those which I had for the rest of the story. But even so, despite this, I think that it came out ok in the end and I hope that you still enjoy what you read and please don't forget to REVIEW! **

As Remus stepped out into the Hogwarts grounds a short while later he looked out at the vast stretch of land with its lush spread of green grass and rippling lake, and despite the heaviness of his heart, smiled. The students were all too busy basking in the early afternoon sun to notice their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher standing in the background, on the threshold of a life he knew could only ever belong to somebody else… but through all this Remus was undeniably grateful for their ignorance. Although he would have liked to have spoken to Ron and Hermione one last time, he at least, like he had Harry, owed them an explanation.

But maybe in their absence it was all for the best, he hoped they would understand… though Harry was sure to leak at least some of their conversation eventually, and he really didn't feel up to explaining everything all over again. That conversation was for another time maybe, another place, but not now, not today.

Hogwarts had been his home and sanctuary since Dumbledore had first permitted him to come to the school as a once lonely teenager. His condition had, until then, managed to rob him of an education, and, more painful and detrimental to his once broken spirit and state of mind, the friends which had been of such importance to others of his own age. Hogwarts had given him a second chance at living a better life, although isolated and afraid he had for a time still lived in constant fear of the reaction he would receive if anyone were ever to discover the true nature of his condition.

Even over the course of the previous seven months, with what had proven to be the invaluable support of Dumbledore and the majority of the rest of the Hogwarts staff on his side, he'd still lain awake during many sleepless nights trying to convince himself that his life really could change… that things would be very different from now on…

Even though he knew that they could not…

And so during the regular periods marked by this pain and 'difficulty' in his life, he'd stuck to the perpetual taking of his wolfsbane, lying low and restless. All the time living in equal measure of fear and hope that he could carry on living his lie.

But he was not an ordinary wizard, and nor for as long as he remained a danger to himself and to the safety of other people he ever would be. But the words which Sirius had spoken to him earlier, which had somehow reached him beyond the overwhelming influence of the wolf, normally too strong for Remus to put up much of a fight during each agonising transformation, came to mind now.

"This flesh is only flesh."

Jams Potter and Sirius Black had always been special, accepting him for more than his condition had previously given people reason to expect from him. With them around everything had been made to feel alright, his life really had been different… and then Peter Pettigrew had taken them both away from him, and since that fateful evening his life had never been the same again.

With this thought in mind he realised that his knuckles were pale grey and white from the tight grip he now had upon his walking stick, as the anger rose and bubbled in his veins, and his muscles and bone ached dully with the pressure of his fingers unrelenting grip. He wanted to be able to let go, let the anger he now channeled wash over him… but he had brought himself to say goodbye to Peter once, as a lost friend and comrade, but couldn't bring himself to say it again now that he could see him for what he truly was, what he always had been, no better than a cold bloodied killer, and a traitor.

Though through all this, in the discovery of the truth Remus knew that he had been given a second chance last night, the friend in Peter he had once so bitterly grieved for he had now grown to hate, but he had Sirius back.

… Sirius, his close friend, who had once alongside James brought him back from the brink… the guilt rose in his heart now as to how he could ever have suspected him of giving James and Lily up to Voldemort, he was ten times the great wizard Peter had ever been, surviving twelve years of Azkaban had been proof enough of that… but Remus knew that the reunion with his old friend had not been the only miracle to be performed the previous evening. He had heard the story of Harry's patronus, the form which it had taken, and he knew that in some small but significant way James had survived that night.

He lived in Harry.

Harry was more special than anybody could ever have realised, prematurely aged by the trials and trauma he had been forced to endure during his young life he had become more man than thirteen year old boy. But now Hogwarts was giving him the same opportunity's to live something of a normal life which Dumbledore had previously given Remus several long years ago… and Harry's time there did not appear to be so different from his own.

Despite the fears for Harry's future, which had plagued him for many years following James and Lily's death however, Remus was now confident that in the long term their son would be alright.

Besides, this was not goodbye, he felt sure that he and Harry would meet again someday. A storm was now rising, a war was brewing, and with Pettigrew returned to him there was an inevitable certainty in all of their hearts that Voldemort would surely someday return to put an end to the battle which he had himself once started.

But no matter what the future held, all they could do for now, all _Remus_ could do, was take each day as it came, living only for the moment until such a time when he may or may not be recalled to fight a war which many had believed long since over. Though he was too tired to even think far beyond the next few minutes now. The previous couple of days had taken it out of him more than he had initially cared to admit, and now all that had happened during the preceding few hours had finally began to take its toll.

He took one final look around his familiar surroundings and for a moment was himself thirteen years old again. Taking in the magnificent castle with its ancient towers and rich, plentiful grounds. The suns rays beat down brightly upon his back, pleasantly warm and therapeutic, but Remus could only feel his own emptiness and the heaviness of his heart, before stepping up into the cab Dumbledore had so insightfully had prepared for him.

Its rounded frame glistened brightly in the early afternoon rays, held upright by its invisible steed. Even now Hogwarts hadn't failed to evoke its magic… there had been a time when Remus had often wondered to what extent magic could be used to instill such happiness… how young and utterly naive he had once been.

Without looking back, as he slammed the compartment door behind him, the carriage took off at a steady pace and Remus sank back further into the comfort of his padded seat. Content of one thing as he was steadily drawn further away from the only real home he had ever known, that he at least had his old friend back, and no matter what was to come in the future he could at least now be sure of one single enlightening fact…

He would never be alone again.

**END.**


End file.
